Guilt I have learnt during this week is important indeed spiritually for our conscience to remain alive and for us to accept conviction from the Holy Spirit whenever it knocks silently on our Spirit. Secondly, it is also vital for our relationships with other people so that we are not indifferent and oblivious to the needs of others. On the third and very important note, it is Paramount for our growth to feel guilt when we defer from our own principles, mess up or fall short. That way we are able to grow and learn. If we can discover our own mistakes we are making many strides towards our destination, goals, vision and success.
My discovery this week though, that I feel very excited to learn and to share is the difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt points you to the problem. Shame villanises you.
Guilt will say: you are better than that. You should not have reacted that way as a Christian. You are smart but what you did there was not smart. You are kind enough and so should have exhibited more kindness in that interaction with so and so.
Shame says you are a failure. You should not have shown up at that interview otherwise you wouldn’t have embarrassed yourself. You are stupid and that’s why you did something stupid.
Shame makes us unlovable, unforgivable, irreparable because we shift our gaze from the problem and make ourselves the problem. Guilt on the other hand focuses us on our strength and makes us believe that such strength in us is what we need to do better next time or to correct what we have already damaged by allowing weakness to prevail.
This knowledge has changed me and I believe that someone else may need same to love themselves better and be more gentle with others.
Many of us lost precious prime time when we were supposed to enjoy our life as it sprouted simply because we were made to feel shame even for things that did not call for shame and neither did they call for guilt.
Shame offers no opportunity for redemption. See how Adam and Eve, realising that they were naked, out of shame hid away from God instead of maybe running towards him and throwing themselves at His feet and crying out for redemption. Shame separates us from God because it says you are the problem, you don’t hold value, you should crawl into a cave and hide.
To sum it up, you are not your mistakes. I am not my mistakes. I am not even my failures. I am smart. I am kind . I am loved and I am lovable. I am deserving of goodness, love and blessings. This knowledge brings me to forgiveness of self; love and understanding towards others.
Showers of blessings.
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