I am a firm believer in the school of thought that all human beings seek to be truly loved and accepted; to be seen and heard and to connect with each other. This is the core of our being. We seek to live in relationship with each other, in communion with one another and in communion with Christ (God). We seek to love and to be loved.
We have however taught our boys and men only strength and so when faced with weakness and pain, they don’t know what to do. Maybe this is predominant among black people. Recently, a friend of mine lost a father and he was told by his uncle not to cry before the mourners. He was hurting. He was broken. But “he was a man and men shouldn’t cry, at least not in public. Isn’t this detrimental to someone’s emotional and psychological health and later on physical health? My opinion: anyone can and should cry. It’s a healthy human thing to do. It’s not a gender issue but certain cultures have made it so.
My little brothers are huggers and they hug me real warm and tight . It’s a lovely feeling. Oh, I live for those hugs. They hug our dear mother the same way. I keep hoping that they won’t get into the big wide world and get taught that men shouldn’t do that or that it is girls who are supposed to be all “huggy and feely” .
I have a deliberate resolution now to love my little brothers and love them hard. I see how their faces light up when they are complimented, how they hold tight onto a hug, how they smile when you recognise a strength or special trait that they exhibit. They want those tears to come out and not be told, “hey, be a man, you don’t have to cry” even when we see that they are hurt. They are strong. They want to be strong but they also want to just be humans in all ways, tendered and cared for.
We all know how to teach boys strength, braveness and courage. Let’s also teach them tenderness and love.This is how boys will turn into considerate compassionate men. This is how they will learn and accept as adults to get into themselves and self reflect, voice their feelings instead of suppressing them, especially the feelings of weakness, doubt, fear, pain. We get to grow and live with men who are open to love, who enjoy the freedoms of the strength in vulnerability and openness of heart. After all, what every human being truly wants is to love and to be loved. Boy or girl, man or woman. Tenderness and compassion don’t make a man weak, only strong people can really truly love.
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