It is true that no one can tell the extent and the depth of someone’s pain until or unless you have walked in their shoes as that person. In other words, even if you walked in their shoes, unless you are that person you can not fully comprehend how someone hurts and how much they hurt.
This is to say that the least we can do for someone hurting or someone that has expressed a past wound (a painful scar) is to lean on the side of empathy before anything else while acknowledging their feelings. Don’t say, “I have been through worse,” in that particular moment. Only use this out of utter compassion and in a way to cheer this person on and say – if I did it you too can do it; if I pulled through you too can pull through. That tone is different from the tone that implies, ” You have no right to feel the way you feel”. This enlightenment calls us to admit that our hurt can’t be the worst since we haven’t felt how this other person feels. It is simply the worst that I have ever felt. Unless you use it as a stepping block for bringing comfort to others then you will continue to use it as an excuse to dismiss other’s pain.
Be mindful that the person on the receiving end of your empathy or apathy can tell the difference between these two and they can be either broken by your apathy or healed by your empathy.
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