I have this friend who has taught me what it means by conversation. She has very strong opinions and I too have very strong opinions. We agree on principle and mostly disagree when it comes to context. We have lots of conversations about so many things ranging from Spirituality (Faith/God), relationships, family, work, career, cultures, politics every once in a while, race a few times….no topic has been off limit.
When we first became friends, she realised after a few months that I didn’t say things about myself until I was asked. Even then I lingered around some phrases and gave quite vague explanations especially if I had to be vulnerable with my feelings. Other topics were easy for me. I am in fact one to talk about culture, politics, world views for an entire day.
She is open and loves to talk. She loves good conversation the traditional good old style way – not the shorthand and emoji way. She noticed that I was more open about external non personal things and deliberately started to ask me simple things.
“How was your day?”
“What did you do today?”
” What is your view on this topic? What has your experience been with this? “
She asks follow-up questions:
“How do you feel about that?”
“What are you going to do about it?”
This dare I say is the best way to acknowledge a person’s worth in my opinion. Someone wants to listen and hear you. They see you and acknowledge your thoughts as valuable. Most of the people I interact with always respond very fast to a statement with a though or opinion without seeking understanding, without taking a pause, even when your thought is still shallow and simply being formed.
You know how the word LISTEN also spells SILENT ? When someone feels listened to and heard, it’s like the ultimate form of acknowledgement. Sometimes you may not even have something to say in form of advice or thoughts and that’s okay; even better if you acknowledge that.
The other thing is; she follows up on things. “You said you wanted to go check on so and so, how did that go?” How is your mum doing ? Even my little brother’s baby rabbits. LOL.
The world is moving so fast that we have no time to stop, listen and talk ; like really talk – have a conversation. Everyone wants to get onto something else that we end up being with people and not knowing those people. We all need deeper meaningful and healthy relationships.
There is a lot to be learned about conversation but I’m no expert. I’m just appreciative today that some people know what it means, get it and actually practice it. Some families and communities are more expressive of their feelings than others. I would opine though that deep within every human heart, we just have an innate desire for the same thing; to be seen and heard but we seldom find the environment for it. We all want relationship with God and with others and the first sure way to relate is to communicate. We want to know people and have them know us. We want to be seen, acknowledged and to be heard.
Have a very blessed week.
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